every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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