Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
