hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
They took my balls.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
