My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
