she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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