Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
