Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
