im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
