fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
