Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
