who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
