She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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