We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Don't EVER smell your tampon
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
