Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
