Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
