Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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