no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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