ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
