so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
