I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Randomize
