It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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