i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
