i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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