the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize