Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
