Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
