i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
