apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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