If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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