Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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