Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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