After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
