Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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