Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
