I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
