i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize