nut hugger
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
