i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
