You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
