i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
