I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
