I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize