Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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