I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
