Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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