Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
