3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
