my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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