the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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