dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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