She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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