Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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