He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
