I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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