I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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