After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Even my vagina gasped.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
