He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize