Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
