I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
