But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I wear drunk well.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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