Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
