So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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