I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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