I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I need a beard to bite.
You ruined the universe
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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