you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
