Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize