I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
