I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize