So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
