you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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